He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
