Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
