He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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