A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Be still, my beating vagina.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
