please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
