Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
im six kinds of drunk right now
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
