Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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