My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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