A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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