You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
