just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
