last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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