She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
