we're chasing vodka with high fives
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
