She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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