Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
