College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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