i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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