hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
