I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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