i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
