so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
