...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
