I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
