Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
