We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
how does that bad decision feel?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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