Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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