I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
