Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
