for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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