Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
