ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
