My hand turned me down
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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