i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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