3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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