One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
