is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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