I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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