i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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