can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
