My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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