He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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