What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
