And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
