mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That accounts for only three of the penises
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
