i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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