i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
