Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There r osticjed everywhere
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
