i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
