i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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