In the future we'll all be gay
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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