And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
no, he came in my armpit
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
