OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
