When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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