This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
